In the first few days of November I had clarity around the relationship I had given up in October. I took a step back and realized a few things about how unforgiving I was being with someone I loved knowing full well he did not intend to hurt me. (Didn’t I tell you I was a tough cookie!) In this particular case I didn’t trust my inner self but instead I chose to ride the negativity roller coaster. I was hurt. I shut him out and was unforgiving, until I realized it.
I reconnected to the peaceful, loving Being I am. I had a great conversation and chose to move forward in the relationship. The challenging part is the long distance and so I agreed to visit him for two weeks during the holidays.
The picture you see above is a shawl I attempted to knit. It looks gorgeous but the thing is super tiny. The day I took a picture of it I showed my boyfriend via Skype. I had to do what I didn’t want to do. I had to pull the string and pull and pull and pull ...until it was back to a ball of yarn.
He saw me do it. Hours of work. I had a feeling it wasn’t quite right (I followed the instructions perfectly) but I didn’t trust myself. I learned to trust myself. By the end of the week the ball of yarn was used to create a beautiful shawl, this time I crocheted it! My first time ever crocheting!
I took something I created, accepted its fate, and made a choice to move forward by taking action immediately. I didn’t get caught up and let the tiny knit shawl sit around teasing me. I did something new with it. I turned it around. I did take a picture knowing I had to use it as my picture for this entry.
I chose to close off the month by doing a Giveaway. I made my own video and put my heart into the prize. I wanted to start out with something small and chose a $50 iPod shuffle. It’s all I could do now. Who knows, I may give away iPads someday when I can. The point is I knew it would mean a lot to someone.
On the very last day of November I was with two kids at the community center. They wanted a drink and I said yes without first checking if I had enough change. I was .50 cents short telling them I did not have enough. They looked sad and stared into the vending machine. The woman next to me quietly puts two quarters in my hands making the value of .50 cents so much more. It was what I needed to buy one drink and two priceless smiles.
Can you see how not knowing is a wonderful artistic tool for living a happy life? I didn’t know in December I would take a two week holiday. I didn’t know I would crochet for the first time and be proud of recreating something with the same yarn. I didn’t know .50 cents from a stranger would be the greatest way I could end November.
Trust in yourself and others. Be someone who brings joy.
Not knowing can often bring fear or anxiety. Again, trust it! Be aware of the beauty behind all actions. Accept and welcome all that comes your way.
Do you have an experience to share where you trusted in not knowing only to find out life turned out exactly the way you wanted it to?
Have you experienced fear around not knowing only to find out later it all worked out?
Do you live life trusting in all that is? Please share so others can learn from you. We all have our unique stories, our kind strangers, our expected and unexpected.