Be yourself. Everybody is telling you to own who you are with no apologies, but here's the thing that I've noticed:
Sometimes you DO have to apologize for who are being.
Consider Amy: Amy is a loving mother of two married for seven years. People really like her and there is an ease about her. It's like you meet her and you spill your deepest darkest secrets to her. Amy also is ALWAYS late and I mean Every. Single. Time. Ok, fine sometimes she makes it just in time. Recently she had a job interview downtown and she was late. They pointed it out to her as not acceptable for this particular position. She told me that if someone doesn't accept how she is then she would rather not work for them and she's just never going to change.
What do you think?
Personally it made me wonder. What if Oprah called and told her to be at X location at Z time and she would win a new house, new car, and cost of college tuition for her kids? Would she be late? Would you be late?
I'm not one to be late so I can not fathom this rational. However, it did give me a chance to reflect about the new "well its too bad if you don't like this about me because thats how I am and I'm not going to change it for you or anybody else so if you don't like it then you can just let me be" attitude going around lately.
Here is a simple Method you can use and a reminder of who you REALLY are:
~The Mirror Method:
First, identify that THING people say you ALWAYS do or you know you ALWAYS do.
ex. always late, always cancels plans last minute, always ignores her texts, always says "I never got your call/text/email...flawed technology," always gives unwanted advice, always gives orders.
Second, like looking into a mirror: What is it about yourself that you NOW see? The excuse is as fake as the mirror image you see.
ex. I'm always running late because I'm actually a poor planner and always over book my days. I would feel lazy or worthless if I saw just two things in my day versus the many things I am needed for. I like to feel wanted.
ex. I'm always canceling plans with others because I can't just admit that I don't like hanging out with them anymore. We don't have anything in common any more but I'm too afraid to say that. I don't want to be mean. I like to have many friends.
WHO YOU REALLY ARE:
You are love. You are peace. You are joy.
Yeah maybe thats corny but imagine if you approached all situations like this (the good and the ugly). Then you wouldn't hide behind excuses to avoid responsibility.
Say "I'm sorry" if being late affected someone else's plans.
Say "I'm sorry" if canceling plans last minute left someone sitting alone at the club.
You are not apologizing for being you. You are apologizing because its just not right hiding behind an excuse.
PS My friend Amy said it was ok to use her as an example and since then has not been late to our weekly Brunch dates.
Got the world figured out?
I did, until it came crashing down. I had no choice but to start over and rebuild.