October 1 and October 31, dates that in 2011 felt a world apart. So much has happened within such a short time that I feel I have aged a year or two. What kind of struggles have I lived in October?
Well let me state all that has happened and reflect afterwards.
It started out great with my boyfriend asking me to move in with him Spring 2012. Great news! Also he asked me to spend the holidays with him so I bought a plane ticket. I had to withdraw from a program I signed up for in Spring 2012 and was having a hard time getting a refund. Funny that I did not have a hard time signing up. I hurt my toe 5 days before I had to run a 5k I have not trained for but I still ran it. A close friend betrayed my trust and revealed to me true colors through unheard of actions and words of hatred. Being at the right place at the right time brought a new opportunity my way by a great woman who has become an amazing friend going above and beyond what few have ever done for me. I had a night out with a friend of mine that turned into a nightmare hangover the next day. I do not even like alcohol! Confiding in my boyfriend proved to be a mistake therefore I broke up with him not knowing if he is trustworthy. After all a relationship is built on trust. Health concerns have come up for people close to me. My cousin from out of town stayed with us for a week and turned out to be an angel. With my mom, my aunt, and my cousin I attended for the first time BAPS Shri Swaminarayan Mandir during the New Year. I was unable to spend too much time at the temple as it was very crowded but I was there long enough to be touched by God.
Time to reflect. There were both ups and downs in the course of this month. I have overcome most of the challenges pushing through as best as I can. Today as I write I am reminded at how far I have come but also how much more work I have to do for myself. I am human after all and so a few things from October are lingering today. I am conscious of these things which means I have better self control of what I say and do. Doing nothing is sometimes the best thing, true. But again friends, I am human and it doesn’t mean my heart is not crying at this very moment. I know this too shall pass, just as I knew it the day of my hangover or running with an injured toe.
Struggles are phases in life. They do not last forever. Struggles occur from time to time to help strengthen us. For example, running every day is great and healthy but sometimes its nice to sign up for a race that will push you to be faster or push you to run longer than you have! After the race is over your body is tired, sore even. But the more you do it your body feels less tired and less sore.
This great muscle, my heart is running a race challenging the endurance. How long is left? Where is the finish line? When will this be over? I do not know this particular race path but I do know it comes to an end. I know I will finish strong so that next time it won’t hurt as bad.
I wonder what November will bring. I don’t know just as I did not know for October. But I will be down on my knees day and night praying to God, thanking God for all that I have.
If you are tired and can not run any longer take a moment to catch your breath. Walk one foot at a time, that will be enough to take you even just a bit closer. Please do not stop or quit. Your life is worth it! You are worth it! With all the love and peace in my heart I wish you the strength to keep going knowing that there is a finish line, maybe even just around the corner.
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Got the world figured out?
I did, until it came crashing down. I had no choice but to start over and rebuild.